A bit late to the CONTEST party – but I still feel bound to have fun with Susanna Leonard Hill’s 400-word or less Fourth Of July Secret Mystery Contest!
And the prizes, you ask? KA-CHING! Check ’em out. And the other entries too.
If you’re looking for the doodle prompt for July 5th – click HERE
A PUDDLING MYSTERY (396 words)
Gus was dragged from his home. His mother insisted he’d have fun. “You love fireworks. We can watch the whole show from the Wilson’s porch.”
It would not be fun. The Wilsons didn’t even have kids. “You’re right, Gus, but I bet there will be other families and plenty of kids.”
Ugh. Kids he didn’t know. It would be boring, boring, boring.
In the Wilson’s front yard some people were playing croquet. Adults. “See, I told you it would be fun, Gus.” No it wasn’t. Croquet was boring, boring, boring.
There were hamburgers, but no chips. At least he could have a soda. Not so bad. But when he and Mom walked out back with their plates he only saw grown-ups. Everywhere.
Gus went inside to wash ketchup off his hands and SHLOOSH he slipped on a puddle. There was water all over! Was that confetti on the floor? Peeking down the hall he saw more puddles. “Huh?” With nothing else to do, he followed them.
By the time he got to the kitchen the water drops had disappeared. But there were footprints, muddy and moist. Someone offered him an ice cream sandwich, his favorite, but now he really needed to see where the prints led.
He looked down the narrow cellar stairs: carpeted – no prints. And it was completely dark. Gus could have gone down there, but luckily there was another door off the kitchen to investigate first.
That door led directly out front, where the croquet set had been abandoned. He found more colored bits in the grass, and the grass was moist. But now there was no chance of tracing prints. Gus was about to give up when – WHACK! Water ran down his leg and colored bits of balloon were stuck to his skin!
“Yo, sorry! I was aiming for Billy!” said a girl he recognized from his bus stop. “You okay? Wannna help? Or were you busy looking for something?”
“Yeah. I mean, no. I mean, I think that mystery’s been solved.”
She said, “Good.” And offered him half of the balloons she was carrying in the sag of her skirt.
Just then Gus’ mom came out the kitchen door. “There you are. Hey, if you’re still bored, we could leave.”
“No! I mean, Mom, it’s a party! You’ll have fun!”
He turned to the girl. “Now, let’s get ’em!”
Oh my gosh, Julie! This is over-the-top terrific! I love the voice…so true to how a kid would feel when he had to accompany his mom to a party where he wouldn’t know ANYONE. And the tension that built as he followed the clues. And especially his last comment at the end…PERFECT 4th of July story! I love it.:) And I love your illustration…you are GOOD!
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Thanks Vivian – still getting around to all the others – GOSH there are a lot! ‘See’ you soon!
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Great kid story. Didn’t have a clue where you were going. You surprised me! Love the drawing too!
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Thanks, Patricia. This was quite the challenge for me!
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Sure sounded like my son there for a minute, at the beginning of your story! Well done, Julie. You have captured the nature of boys perfectly. . .
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I’ve got one who still likes to drag his feet!
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Now I know how to liven up my next party!!! 🙂
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Don’t forget to prepare them ahead – outside!
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That was such fun! I had no idea where the mystery was headed, either. Thanks, Julie!
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Thanks for stopping over, Beth!
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Too fun, Julie. And oh that drawing is great!
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Thanks Pam!
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That was a real “gotcha” one! I thought for sure he was going to find a wet dog! But that sure sounds like a fun game! Is that one you play at parties?
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It’s a tradition at a friend’s party on the 4th! They prepare them ahead to keep puddles outside – but there are always ‘trails’ when it comes to reinforcements.
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It sounds like great fun!!!
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Puddles and children always lead to fun. I enjoyed reading your story, Julie. best of luck with the contest.
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Thanks for stopping by, Grannymar.
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Wow! Fantastic story Julie!!! Gus is SO believable as a kid character, the mystery is great, the details wonderful, and I LOVE your illustration! I loved that little bit where he could have gone into the dark basement but luckily there was another option first! I’m so glad you entered! Great job 🙂
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Almost didn’t post, but I needed the challenge to get me out of my ‘basement’. Thanks, Susanna!
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Cute twist at end.
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Thanks for reading, Pam!
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Nice entry, Julie!! Water balloons are so great that they should be the solution to every kid mystery. Your art added a very special element…it’s wonderful :•)
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Thanks, Penny – still making my way through the plentiful entries!
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Well done, Julie. I love the illustration.
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Thanks, Patricia.
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Julie, I loved how it turned out! Gus looks adorable 🙂 Ooo and the title is perfect!!!
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I liked the one you came up with, Jen, but I didn’t have the fireworks go off – maybe next year!
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Water balloons! Did NOT see that coming (and neither did Gus!). 🙂
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Thanks for stopping by, Cathy.
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Really nice story, Julie. You kept me guessing. It didn’t feel constricted by the word count. And wowzer! I love the drawing of Gus!
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Thanks, Joanna! The doodling has been helping me get quick sketches down. Wanna join us?
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Your Gus should have gotten together with my Abby…kids needing some kid company…LOL! Water balloon fights are perfect fun for a hot summer’s day; glad Gus found someone to play with. 🙂
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Yeah, but poor Billy! Thanks for popping over!
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Love it Julie! I felt Gus’s dread of having to hang out with old people. Thank goodness for water balloons!
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🙂
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Fun! Water balloons on the 4th of July.
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Thanks for taking a peek!
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I’m so jealous! Tension, great voice. So believable. Just a fantastical mystery. You did a wonderful job, pal. Good luck. 🙂
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Thanks you, Robyn. But I am just as unsure about it as you seem of yours!
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Wonderful story! I think water balloons would make the most boring party exciting. (We went to a fourth of July party – there weren’t any kids, but thankfully, my boys still enjoy adults…as long as the adults aren’t us :))
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Haha! So true of my kids too – when they were younger!
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What a fun story! I loved the mystery. And the drawing is adorable. I really enjoyed it. 🙂
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Thanks, Cheryl!
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How did I miss this? This is wonderful and I love the picture too. Very intriguing all the way through, cute!
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Thanks, Catherine. I am a bit too comfortable keeping pics in mind to try and let the text do all the work, so this was quite a challenge, but as you see, I just HAD to an one illo!
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